This post brought to you by Boudreaux's Butt Paste. All opinions are 100% mine.

My poor child.

She has the cutest little butt but (haha, BUTT BUT) because of our special diet she tends to overindulge in the acidic fruits and veggies. My kid loves peppers and will eat her own finger if it's dipped in salsa.

Don't judge me. We live in Texas. From birth we learn that salsa is eaten with everything and bigger hair is better hair.

So yeah. Diaper rash. Isn't that what I'm talking about?

One day she had the misfortune of being dragged around shopping and was sitting in her diaper for longer than she should have been. Let's face it- when you're out and about as long as it isn't leaking or smells like shit you tend to forget about it. We don't cloth diaper so she doesn't have to be changed every half hour (just kidding, cloth diaper advocates; don't go crazy and try to poison me with your overpriced laundry soap!) but on this particular day she patiently sat in a wet diaper for a little too long. When I went to change her she had a little rash. I apologized for neglecting her and smeared some diaper rash cream on the offending area. We went on with our errands and when we got home she was ready to be changed again. A couple of hours had passed so I assumed that the small rash would be gone. IT WASN'T. The evil fucking rash was bigger. Angrier. Bumpier. Redder. Assholier. Why the hell didn't this cream make it go away? WHAT IS YOUR FUNCTION? I screamed to the tube of worthless shit as I tossed it into the trash can.

I put Avery in a clean diaper sans diaper rash cream and hopped online. I consulted Twitter: "I need diaper rash cream. GOOD stuff. I don't care if it's made from unicorns. Help!"

Almost every reply claimed that Boudreaux's Butt Paste was the best so I immediately handed the kid to my husband so I could run (let's face it- I don't run. I drove there.) to the store and get some (if you go to their site you can get a free sample!).

All of the stories are true! It's a miracle! And I can go on about how it's pediatrician recommended but I'd rather listen to the testimony of a mom who has used the stuff. It cleared up her rash within a couple of hours and she was back to being a nightmare toddler.