Tonight Jacob, Avery and I went for a walk and oohed and ahhed at our neighbors' Halloween decorations. I told him about our long day of screaming and napping and fighting and snuggling. She's still not 100% back to normal but she's getting there. Thankfully.
Earlier this evening Avery and I went to the park at the end of our block. There was another toddler playing while his mom sat on the bench and watched. I pointed Avery at the playground and sat down next to the other mom. Our kids played with each other and as we watched our little ones we talked. I usually don't chat with the other moms at the park but that isn't my fault. Well, it's not totally my fault. The other moms take one look at me and decide that I'm not worthy enough to converse with; I look different and therefore I'm undesirable. I am constantly stared at because of my pink hair and stretched earlobes. I don't look like a mom - I look like a teenage babysitter. Fine. Whatever. But you know what? I'm a GREAT mom regardless of my appearance.
I'm sick of people judging others based on appearance, religious beliefs (or lack thereof), sexuality and nationality. Why the hell does it matter if someone is Catholic or gay or black or Pakistani? Does someone else's mere existance really affect you so negatively that you have to cause that person harm? Why do you even care?
Back to the walk. We were talking about the recent suicides and crimes committed all in the name of hate. When I was in high school I met my first openly gay person- my sister's best friend Ryan. He was out and proud and there was nothing wrong with him. He was welcome in our home. My parents didn't grow up with such open minds but since the TIMES HAVE CHANGED they became educated and knew that gay didn't mean bad or evil or Hell-bound.
When I was sixteen I met this girl named Susie at a rock concert. She and I connected and we instantly became best friends. I would tell my mom that I loved Susie and I meant it. Was I in love with her? No. She was too short ;-) One day I came home from school and told my mom that I just got asked out on my very first date. With a guy. She hugged and congratulated me and then said "I'm a little surprised that you are going on a date. I thought you and Susie were together." I laughed and told my mom that Susie and I were just friends and not a couple. My mom then said that I should be proud of my her for being so progressive. And you know what? I was and I still am.
I was lucky. If I was a lesbian my family (at least the people in it that matter) would have supported me. I know that many people cannot say the same about their families and that breaks my heart.
If your child were to come out to you how would you react? Or what if your kid was a bully who treated others poorly because they are different? Have you decided how you will handle it? Have you had these conversations yet? I will tell Avery that everyone is worthy of respect and love and that being different is a good thing.
Our differences make us beautiful. So don't be ugly about it. Be you. Because that is okay.
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I am actually more worried that my son will enjoy sports and cause us to have to watch sports than I am about him being gay. We have often said that at least if he was gay he might be more likely to enjoy artsy things that we enjoy, such as art museums, plays, books/poetry, and documentaries. If he likes sports we will have no idea what he is talking about most of the time.
My kids have always had lots of LGBT folks in their lives and I hope that the mere fact of those people's presence in their lives makes discovering their own sexual identities less fraught than was my sister's. She didn't really know for sure that she was gay until she was well into her twenties.
I think there's a pretty good chance that my daughter is gay or bisexual. She (and my other kids, too) knows exactly how I'll feel because we've discussed it often. I hope she finds a wonderful partner who loves and respects her and who she loves and respects, whoever that person is. There is nothing in the genitals or the chromosomes that matters to me one bit. I just want her life (and my sons' lives) to be full of love.
w/e my daughter wants to do is ok w/ me. Her father will probably feel differently but, as far as I'm concerned I'm ok as long as she's happy
We have definitely had the gay conversation and it's kind of funny how OK we are about it versus others we know (although we also have many friends who are equally fine with the idea - I think it's a different generation than even five years ago). When we found out O was going to be a boy I joked with my BF (who already had a baby boy) "awesome, they'll either be best friends or boyfriends!" and I meant it, and she was like, "ummm, haha, ermmmm." I feel so similar to J, because I know several wonderful LGBT people but I know like 2 people who are super into sports, so if O goes the sports route I'm in for a re-education!
My only concern would be that the gay road, whether society has come around by then or not, would just be a harder path to go down and I want O to go through life without excessive hardship. So that would make it hard, to see him dealing with prejudice would make me die inside.
As far as bullying, it's funny that you bring that up because I haven't thought about it. I will now though, because all little kids fall into bullying at one time or another - it's our job to be that voice in their head telling them it's mean, it's not ok to be mean, do unto others and all that. God I hope he just never bullies another kid, because that would make me so so sad.
xo, Lindsey (aka OttosMomBlogs)
We would love him either way.
If Nathaniel comes out of the closet then we are more then okay with it. We talked extensively about this while I was pregnant and still joke occasionally because of his alter ego 'Sparkles'. I love my kid no matter what and will support him in anyway he can.
Homosexuality would be a non-issue in our lives if people would learn to respect each other.
My FIL is gay but it is never discussed. Ever. Meanwhile, I'd love to ask who he's dating at family meals.
We've had the gay convo, we've had the bullying convo recently. I really thought that I could have a gay child because Ian and I would be SO okay with it. It would be fair for a gay child to be born to us rather than someone who would turn their backs.
Thankfully, it does get handed down. My parents would be cool with it if I had been gay and Ian's parents would have been fine if her were. Unfortunately, intolerance gets handed down too.
I've been telling my girls from the start that love is love, it doesn't matter who for. That boys can marry boys if they want, or girls can marry girls. I just hope that by the time they grow up that will be true.
the last line is probably one of my favorite that you've ever written.
that, and the whole Mike Hunt thing.
Really, love it.
We have dealt with adversity. I put a child up for adoption and a homosexual family (2 guys) adopted him. We meet up once a year and my son knows I am his mom. My boys know he is their brother and they learned early not to judge. My son is gifted and has trouble with social stuff, so he is often the recipient of bullying. I'm still learning what steps to take and which not to take.
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