Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Non-dairy.
I no longer nurse my baby.
Rather, I no longer nurse my toddler. My baby who is practically an adult and doesn't even look like a baby anymore no longer receives my milk. Officially.
After I returned home from NYC I decided that I would not start nursing her again. After all she went several days without it and would surely not even remember the goodies inside mommy's shirt. I was so fucking wrong. She woke up in the middle of the night on my first night home and when I picked her up she grabbed at the neck of my shirt and aggressively groped me to get her point across. Her point, obviously, was "GODDAMMIT MOM GIMME MILK BEFORE I SCREEEEEEEEEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I caved. Of course I did. I couldn't handle her cries. I was exhausted and wanted to go back to sleep so I tucked her not-so-little body next to mine in my bed and nursed her back to sleep. That lasted for an hour. She woke up again and I kept giving her my tit but she was squirmy. My little girl didn't want to snuggle anymore. She was now a wham bam thank you, ma'am nursling.
Ungrateful brat.
After a couple of nights of this bullshit I decided that it was in fact time to stop.
Our routine didn't change much; instead of her waking up earlier than me she now sleeps as late as I do. Before I left for NYC she would wake up at least an hour or two before I was ready so I would bring her back to bed with me and nurse her back to sleep so that I could get more sleep. I didn't need to do that anymore.
The feeling is bittersweet. My little girl still needs me but she has outgrown the one thing that only I, her mother, can provide for her. And that? Breaks my heart.
My milk has been slowing drying up for weeks and I rarely leak through my pajama tops anymore. I certainly won't miss that part of nursing. I will miss the closeness but we can still snuggle when she's actually in the mood to do it. I haven't lost my baby but I've regained my tits and that is a victory in my opinion. And my husband's.
People suggested that I photograph our last nursing session so I did. Hi baby girl.
Rather, I no longer nurse my toddler. My baby who is practically an adult and doesn't even look like a baby anymore no longer receives my milk. Officially.
After I returned home from NYC I decided that I would not start nursing her again. After all she went several days without it and would surely not even remember the goodies inside mommy's shirt. I was so fucking wrong. She woke up in the middle of the night on my first night home and when I picked her up she grabbed at the neck of my shirt and aggressively groped me to get her point across. Her point, obviously, was "GODDAMMIT MOM GIMME MILK BEFORE I SCREEEEEEEEEAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I caved. Of course I did. I couldn't handle her cries. I was exhausted and wanted to go back to sleep so I tucked her not-so-little body next to mine in my bed and nursed her back to sleep. That lasted for an hour. She woke up again and I kept giving her my tit but she was squirmy. My little girl didn't want to snuggle anymore. She was now a wham bam thank you, ma'am nursling.
Ungrateful brat.
After a couple of nights of this bullshit I decided that it was in fact time to stop.
Our routine didn't change much; instead of her waking up earlier than me she now sleeps as late as I do. Before I left for NYC she would wake up at least an hour or two before I was ready so I would bring her back to bed with me and nurse her back to sleep so that I could get more sleep. I didn't need to do that anymore.
The feeling is bittersweet. My little girl still needs me but she has outgrown the one thing that only I, her mother, can provide for her. And that? Breaks my heart.
My milk has been slowing drying up for weeks and I rarely leak through my pajama tops anymore. I certainly won't miss that part of nursing. I will miss the closeness but we can still snuggle when she's actually in the mood to do it. I haven't lost my baby but I've regained my tits and that is a victory in my opinion. And my husband's.
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8 comments:
Congrats for nursing so long! And cuddling with Momma is something that isn't replaceable, even without boobage out ;)
Congrats on being able to make the break successfully. I'm sure she will still need her special cuddle times with mom.
Cute picture of your tahtee and Ave!
Mine has been a non snuggler for a few months now and I hate it! I say 'love mommy!' and he just runs away. I probably sound like a crazy person to him but I miss the snuggling and taking naps together!
Sweeeeet pic! I totally feel for you, I had a hard time letting go of nursing, as well. (Although it really only took her CRUNCHING down on my nipple in my sleep...twice.)
Know what rocks about nursing long? THEY REMEMBER. My daughter was just 18 mos. when she decided to try her teeth out on my nipples, but being that age, along w/pics of her nursing, she still talks about it. And those conversations are special.
Chloë: Mama? You 'member when I was a baby before and I winka (drink) yours boobie?
Hell yes, baby.
-ahbashbah
I love this post and am really, really proud of you for nursing so long especially in today's culture which is not so supportive of it past a year. Good for you!! This is why you rock so FN hard!!
xo
You did great mama, she is an awesome babe.
Did you cry? I only nursed for 3 months when my milk started to dry up. I remember nursing her and just crying, knowing it was the last time.
You did good, mama.
Awww. Look at all that blonde hair. My gosh. Yeah, I had to stop nursing my kid at 6 months. His decision, not mine. He bit.. quite a few times and wouldn't sit still anymore, at all. It really broke my heart too because I felt like my baby had already grown at 6 months and since he had come out 10lbs I felt that I never really got the chance to have a little baby, you know?
This time around I'm exclusively breastfeeding and I hope it will work out. IT really is a special thing that some people don't get.. just to be able to bond w/ your baby like that. It really meant a lot to me.
Congrats on going so long with it!
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