Monday, June 28, 2010
It's called IRRATIONAL fear for a reason.
I did not want to write a pre-BlogHer post because I don't like reading them but as the time gets closer I get more nervous and feel like I should blog about it. Because, um, that's what I do. As a blogger.
I blog.
That's why I'm attending this conference, right? To learn how to become a better writer? To network? Yes and no. I'm mostly going because it's totally out of my comfort zone. Also, blogging is pretty much a free hobby unless you do shit like ATTEND CONFERENCES and then it ends up costing the same as your husband's computer gaming hobby.
I am slightly freaked out about flying but what scares me more is that I'm flying alone. I am taking on the Big Apple (lame to the nth) all by myself. What this means is that as soon as I get there I better make fast friends or I'm going to be very lonely and miserable.
And that? Is ultimately the thing that scares me the most about this trip. I can tweet during the sessions and sit in the back and listen and I can wander around the hotel or take a walk outside during meals to avoid looking like the loser who has no one to sit with at lunch. But what am I supposed to do during the parties that I RSVP'd for? Not go? The thought of going to one of these events alone and not having anyone talk to me makes me anxious. I don't know if I can handle that.
What if my roommates don't like me? What if I end up becoming the third wheel? What if I have an ugly cry and everyone on my floor can hear me sobbing like a bastard?
I know that I'll a lot get out of it if I put a lot into it but shit, if I can't even leave my room there isn't much of a chance of that happening.
I'm not good in unfamiliar social situations. I want to fix this but I don't know how. I'm thinking about getting the phone numbers of some of the women I talk to on Twitter and that way I can text or call one of them if I need a friend. But what if none of them want to be my friend IN REAL LIFE? I'm okay to talk to on Twitter and you like me as long as I comment on your blog but once we're thrown into a face-to-face social situation will you still like me?
And while this all sounds irrational and stupid it is still something that I'm kind of freaking out about.
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14 comments:
I'd be kinda freaked out too! I would hate to fly alone & I'd really be weirded out to be away from my LO for so long ! I hope that you have a good time ..& just try the parties...if they suck you can leave..nothing lost :D
I'm a big wimp and I would never go to BlogHer alone. I really wanted to go this year but the bloggers I've met IRL weren't going so I chickened out.
I'm sure you'll have a great time! I think getting the phone numbers is a good idea, too.
Where should I start... First of all, my experience is that MOST bloggers are real people. They are fun, nervous, chatty. Yes, some are clique-ish. I've seen it. But there are more of us than them. Remember, most of us spend a lot of our time behind a computer. We're not all blessed with fab social skills. I make inappropriate jokes when I'm nervous. And more importantly, your roomies are two totally laid back chicks who like to hang with new people. Our hotel rooms is our homebase. I've already made a deal with some other bloggers so that, if necessary, we can chicken out of the parties, buy a box of wine, and play board games in the room. You're an icon. You WILL have a blast. I will make sure of it.
Girl, if I can go to Utah by myself you can go to NYC. You won't be alone. It might be a good thing I am not going, so that you are forced to make connections and so on. You will rock it just be your self and have fun. Also FRANKIE SAYS RELAX.
Oh I am totally overwhelmed by irrational fear too. That's why i am hadning out my mobile number like candy and meeting as many people as I can online and offline before then.
But it's going to be a great. Really! Because you're going to meet all sorts of awesome people and they will make it great.
You should so get the phone numbers before you go. I went last year without them thinking I'd just run into people...yeah, no. :)
& Don't worry. You'll find people. Just look for the quiet person in the corner looking terrified, take a big gulp of your adult beverage, and walk on over to talk to her. Odds are she'll be so grateful you approached her that she'll jump on the chance to hang.
Or you can find me and my roomie Kate. We're only mildly neurotic, and can sometimes be super fun. We'll be at the Social Luxe party which I saw you have a button for.
You just made me adore you a little bit more!
I want to go to a conference too! Next year, I could go to one you go too and then we could worry about everyone hating us together.
As for now, get numbers, make calls and just try to be you. I think you are like me, wonderful and hilarious but you have to warm up to people. You will be great!
If I was going, I'd totally hang out with you. Heck, if I had the money, I'd go specifically to hang out with you. You're frickin awesome.
I'm considering taking a mini vacation alone this fall. Husband is going on two work-related trips this summer and I'm thinking it might be nice to have some time to myself but at the same time, I'm totally freaked out at the thought of doing everything alone! It's probably good therapy for me though... gain some independence. Ergh.
We'll totally hang out with you. And we're New Yorkers so feel free to ask us any NYC questions you might have, even if they're of the 'this is too lame to ask' variety ;)
Um, these fears? Along with money issues are why I'm not going. I have friend issues. ::sigh::
I'm sure you'll be fine and make lots of friends and have a blast.
At least you are still going despite your fear, right? That's far more than I would do. I'm a major wimp and won't go anywhere outside a 30 mile radius alone. And don't worry about making friends, there are going to be people waiting in line cause you are 'effin awesome!
Pay somebody back in his own coin.................................................................
First, I predict you will be one of the bloggers to be seen and be seen with! Lauren, so many bloggers will be at BlogHer, feeling exactly the way you described in this post. Look around, search them out, include them in your circle. They will be grateful to have a safe person to be around. Most everyone attending is passionate and interested in blogging, so you have some instant connections to begin relationships with. You have the chance to be with some of the most creative, compassionate, passionate, talented, innovative, insightful women in the US, and you are part of that by being a blogger.
Second, what a learning experience for you in terms of your daughter. It won't be long before she will going thru the same things: what if I walk in to the party and no one likes me; what if I fall down; why is my hair so stupid; what if no boy ever likes me; I have a ZIT on my nose; yaddayaddayadda. This time at BlogHer can help you be empathetic when she starts going thru this, and you will have encouraging words and advice for her.
Do you read Yvonne and Unexpected Joy? She and some other bloggers started the McD's Cheeseburger party a few years ago because they weren't invited to some parties. http://www.joyunexpected.com/archives/2007_07.php.
Send out the word on Twitter and this blog and see if you can get a cocktail meetup going before you get there. Maybe other bloggers from Texas? Or Rock N Roll bloggers? Or vegan bloggers?
I have no doubt that you are going to come back a charged up, energized, impressed-with-yourself-with-all-you-did blogger and that BlogHer will be a great growth lesson for you!
And like KidtoGrownUp said, if she can do Utah alone, you can do NYC alone!
Take care.
@lonestarlifer
Paula
I definitely agree that you should make a plan for meeting up with folks you know/are friendly with. I think you're very brave ... because I'm keeping my socially weird self at home!
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