I'm totally hardcore....ABOUT GARDENING.
We built a vegetable garden in our backyard in April and so far it has yielded two cucumbers and countless half-eaten tomatoes.
First of all, I hate cucumbers and so does Jacob so why do we have two cuke plants? Because we like to waste money. Actually it's because my mother loves cucumbers and she kind of helped fund this little project.
ANYWAY.
Our plants are growing and flowering and kicking some botanical ass. They have only had organic plant food and we have not used any pesticides. The latter is about to change. Have you ever heard of the horn worm? Neither had I but this little asshole ate through almost all of the leaves on my tomato plants literally overnight. He (I assume it's male because he is eating my food instead of finding his own) has eaten our tomatoes that aren't even ripe yet. We have yet to have a tomato get ripe enough to pick off of the vine. Stupid horn worm.
I don't know anything about organic pesticides and I didn't want to kill the little fucker so we relocated him to our front yard. We don't care about our flowerbed (although our
HOA does) so I assumed that the horn worm would be happy as a, well, worm on plants. But the next day that little fucker had scooted his way back into the backyard and continued eating MY tomato plants.
I'd had enough. Still not wanting to kill him (I am vegan after all) I devised a plan: I would drop the little fucker into a neighbor's yard. I would choose a house that was far enough away so that Mr. Horn Worm would never find his way back into our yard ever again.
But I forgot. Jacob had trapped him in an airtight plastic container with a couple of leaves and that's where he lived overnight. Sorry, little fucker.
The next morning (let's be honest - it wasn't morning. It was around noon. I'm lazy) I took the horn worm outside and shook him into my next door neighbor's yard. That was three days ago.
We haven't seen him in the garden since.
What lesson have I learned from this? Worms are assholes. Tomato eating assholes.
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5 comments:
You don't like your neighbor, do you? ;)
Being vegan shouldn't keep you from killing a bug. Being Buddhist yes.
I've never heard of the horn worm but it can keep it's ass over there! I was just talking about not killing bugs earlier. I can't do it, I catch and release.
i love you.
you made a post about gardening make me snort.
you can call me your bitch any day.
Plant basil w/ your tomatoes. It repels the nasty horn worm. There's also a wasp you can release, but that's way too much trouble.
When we grew tomatoes on the porch, part of our morning was always devoted to picking and flicking the horn worm. So much fun!
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