I would like to thank my in-laws for bringing this wonderful man into the world 27 years ago today. Tonight in celebration I baked a cake and it was a disaster so I made another one and it was gooey and delicious.

Thank you for existing! You make me so happy and I am totally lucky to be your wife. You actually told me that I looked pretty today - I didn't have any makeup on and my hair was flat. You might be a liar but I love that you do it to make me feel good. You are amazing for taking care of Peanut and me. She loves you and lights up when you come home. She saves her best coos and giggles for you.

I love you my heart. Happy birthday dammit!

I don't generate any income for our household. My husband is the sole earner and that puts a lot of pressure on him. If he was to lose his job we would be screwed. We don't have any savings anymore. I chose to not return to work not just because I couldn't bear to leave Peanut with a stranger but because I hated my job. HATED. In the five years that I worked there I resigned four times but always retracted because I was scared. Thankfully JuJu gave me the go ahead to quit once my maternity leave was up and I did. Happily.

ANYWAY (I always go off on the I hated my job so much... tangent) we kind of needed my paycheck. We have two car payments, rent, cell phones, cable and internet, utilities, etc. and we have more money outgoing than we've got coming in. This led me to make a move with my 401K. As in, move it out of the market and into my checking account. It isn't much but it is going to allow us to pay off one of our cars and two of our credit cards. By doing this we can afford for me to stay at home. I was so worried that I'd have to go back to work. It seems like every other week I hear something different from JuJu in regards to our finances. He is always stressed out about money and I'm sure losing half of our income is tough but we are totally nailing it right now. We are frugal (most of the time) and are trying to make good choices. It's tough when you're used to having a lot of extra cash to throw around but we are making it work.

I feel guilty that JuJu has to work all day at a job he isn't totally fond of while I stay at home with Peanut. I don't think he'd be able to handle being home with her all day every day. He knows that I don't just sit around and if I do it's not like I'm relaxing. I'm feeding her and keeping her entertained and dry and happy. I'm working, too. My boss just happens to be really cute and noisy.

It's called a brain fart. I've been bustin' it since yesterday - every time I open up my dashboard I look at the blank text box and think 'What can I dribble on about today?' The answer? Nothing.

Peanut is three months told today! Everyday she does something new and she gets bigger and bigger every time I look at her. It's amazing and I'm still in awe of her. I can't believe that three months ago she was inside of me and now here she is! She has almost doubled her weight - last time I weighed her on the scale at home she weighed 10 pounds. She may be little but she's MY little girl! I love her so much and it amazes me that I do. I have said this before but growing up I never wanted to have children. Then I met JuJu and that loveable jerk fell in love with me and I fell in love with him and I finally got it - I wanted to have children with the man I love more than anything else in the world. And we did. And she's beautiful.

Three months old!

She chews on her hands because she chews on her hands and not because she is malnourished. Gimme a break.

Oh, Wordless Wednesday! Ta-da!

I made another batch of banana nut bread muffin-y thingies today. Instead of using sugar I pulverized some Granny Smith apples and put those into the mixture. This time it came out dense and very chewy but still pretty good even if it doesn't resemble bread at all.

I found a recipe for a sugar free vegan carrot cake and cream cheese frosting that I think I'll make tomorrow. The only way I will get better at baking is by actually baking. Isn't that how that works? Practice makes perfect or whatever.

I would like to clarify that I am not vegan. I eat meat and dairy and I enjoy it however I don't eat a lot of meat - JuJu and I eat chicken (I totally started typing 'children') almost every night if we eat any meat at all. Or fish. Only I'm not great at cooking fish. It is what it is. Anyway, I prefer vegan recipes because it generally makes the recipe a little healthier and it's easier for me to swap out the ingredients that we shouldn't be eating - like sugar. Adult-onset diabetes runs in my family so I need to make some changes now before it's too late. It makes perfect sense to do it now since JuJu and I are eating healthier these days. We really are! I don't feel like I've lost any weight yet but it isn't about that (YES IT IS).

But I will NOT be a fat dairy cow!

Today I started exercising!

Don't get too excited my three readers - I rode a stationary bicycle at the gym for twenty minutes. But if you include the walk there and back in 100 degree heat I am certain that I burned a million calories today. At LEAST a million. Plus those that I burned while breastfeeding Peanut. How am I still fat?

My goal is to steadily lose seventy pounds over the next year and that starts today. I'm three months post partum and I'm all healed from both my Cesarean and my gallbladder surgeries. I'm not working so I have the time. Today I put Peanut in the Hotsling and wore her while I was on the bike. Basically what I'm getting at is that I have no excuse not to do it. While being a new mom (or even an old pro) is time-consuming I still have plenty of time to do things for ME.

Mrs. Fatty McBlubberton-Chunkbutt will be NO MORE! For real this time.

I hate parenting labels. I hate methods and practices. I hate the mainstream and the alternative.

I don't like how parents try to put themselves into a parenting-style box.

Do 'alternative' parents think they are better than 'mainstream?' And what is mainstream anyway? I look at the definition of attachment parenting per Dr. Sears who more or less coined the term, and I think - don't most parents do this (notice that I am using 'parent' instead of 'mom' because no two families are alike!)??

When a child is born isn't there an intense bond that happens? Even if it isn't emotional (that falling-in-love feeling isn't instant for every parent) the parents still physically bond with the baby. Mainstream and AP parents both do that.

I don't think that not wearing your baby or formula feeding your baby makes you mainstream or makes you a bad or lazy parent. I also don't think that practicing babywearing or being a militant breastfeeder makes you a great parent.

To each his or her own.

You can read all of the baby training books in print and still not be an expert. No book is going to tell you how to raise a perfect child in a perfect environment. That's impossible. Those methods are good for guidance but you can't follow any one of them to the letter. No baby is a textbook baby and if he or she is does that make you lucky?

We all want babies that sleep through the night. Would you force your child into an unnatural schedule? Or would you not try anything and let the kiddo run the show even if it meant getting very little sleep?

What I think I am trying to say is that no matter how you choose to raise you children you shouldn't worry about labels. Do whatever is right for your family - not someone else's.

And, just to clarify, I breastfeed my baby. She has not received a pumped bottle or formula in two months. However, if I need to be away from her during a feeding she will receive formula because I have no need to pump on a regular basis since I don't work. I struggled with breastfeeding as well so for the first month of her life she received formula. I also wear my kid but that's because pushing a stroller is annoying and by wearing her it frees up both of my hands. I cosleep because I breastfeed and she wakes up every 3 hours so it's out of convenience that I do this. I love snuggling with her but I sleep better when she isn't right next to me. I plan on weaning her from the boob when I'm ready but she will be at least one-year-old (hopefully), and once that happens she will sleep in her own bed. JuJu and I are figuring this out as we go but we will never label ourselves. We don't judge other people's choices as long as the child's best interests are their number-one priority.

Thank you, Eddie Murphy.

My daughter is a night owl. It is currently 1:13am and I have been trying to get her to go to sleep since 11:30pm. I nursed her in the laying down position for over an hour and that didn't help so here we are! On the sofa watching What Not to Wear and nursing her even though she isn't hungry. The living room + television noise and light seems to help her go to sleep - I just wish it didn't take this long to work. Most of the time she ends up looking up at me with that killer smile and cooing. How can I be frustrated about my lack of sleep when she does that? She's a smooth operator.

With that said, GO TO SLEEP, DAMMIT!

Oh, and I swear to whomever that earlier when I told her that we were going into the living room to let daddy get some sleep she told me 'no.' Seriously.

My husband did not eat the bananas in a timely manner so I decided to do something radical and bake with them so they wouldn't get tossed in the garbage. Am I becoming more domestic? NO. But I do love some b-bread so I found a recipe courtesy of the Post Punk Kitchen and decided that if it takes good then my husband won't care that it's vegan. And I was right.

So, I bring you Vegan Banana Nut Bread.

Dish:
8 x 4 bread pan

Ingredients:
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/2 cups white sugar
1/2 cup margarine, softened
3 very ripe mashed up bananas
1-2 peeled and pureed apples
2 cups flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/4 cup soy milk
1 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1/4 teaspoon allspice
1/2 teaspoon salt



Directions: Preheat oven to 350 F. Spray a 8x4 bread pan with non stick cooking spray, or lightly coat with margarine. Sift together flour, baking soda, salt and spices. Cream together the margarine and sugars. Add bananas, soy milk and vanilla. Add the wet ingredients to the dry. Mix well. Pour batter into pan. Bake for an hour to an hour 10 minutes.

Verdict:
DELISH!! It's not fluffy like 'normal' bread. It's very dense and moist and full of flavor! I am stoked that I actually successfully baked something. I guess I'm figuring out this housewife gig afterall. But don't tell my husband that.

I am overhauling my blog. I have seen so many cool mom blogs this week - ones that probably generate some income as well as entertain - and I think I need a blog like that. That's right folks, I'm selling out. I will also be purchasing my very own .com! I am thrilled to own a piece of the internet. Mommy is Rock 'n Roll will also be getting a new name. While it's a cute name it isn't entirely accurate. I really don't rock. At all. Yes, I love heavy metal music and fought to name my daughter after a Metallica song (I lost) but I certainly don't feel like I "rock" anymore. The woman who would close the bar down and sing karaoke with her ever-expanding group of friends cheering her on. Before I met my husband I was a party girl. I threw up in a mesh trash can at a Halloween party and then threw up in the cab that took me home. I would make out with girls (attention whore!) and flash my breasts.

I was a hot mess.

I'm glad I'm not like that anymore, but now I feel like I am totally boring to be around. Last summer before I got pregnant my best friend, JuJu and I had Beer Saturday. Every Saturday night we three would convene at her apartment, drink, smoke cigarettes, and watch movies until a grossly inappropriate hour. Sometimes we would drink too much and run around her apartment complex barefoot, or we'd jump in the pool fully-clothed.

Now, I feel like I can't even have a glass of wine now that I'm a mother. I am breastfeeding and I know that it's safe to have one glass. I just can't do it.

So you see I'm not all that rock 'n roll after all.

I want to write a blog. I really do.

Someone hold the baby so I can get some shit done.

My daughter suckles in her sleep - the air, her arm, the mattress on our bed, my tummy. It's so cute that she is so into breastfeeding that she even dreams about it.

OH! And Peanut laughed for the first time! She only did it once for me and once for JuJu so I didn't record it but dammit it was so cute. My little one is growing up! I do worry that she isn't developing like she should but then I realize that I shouldn't worry about it. She's perfect. I feel like I don't talk enough to her. I'm around her all day but I don't always talk to her. I feel like a lazy parent.

I am not interesting.

Breastfeeding is going well. She hasn't had a bottle in about two weeks. I'm kind of a rock star! She has been a crappy sleeper lately so we've gone back to cosleeping. Not only does she get more sleep but so does mommy and everyone wins when mom gets more sleep.

The job hunt isn't. I'm looking but I am probably not looking very hard and I need to be.

I just want to stay home with Peanut and go to school.

I'm working on a really good post but I don't seem to have enough time to finish it.

Today is the first day of SWIM SATURDAY this year! Last year my best friend, her two kiddos, JuJu and I started SS. Every Saturday we'd get together at the pool and have food and spend all day swimming and soaking up the sun (while wearing SPF 45, thankyouverymuch!).

I'm stoked that we're continuing the tradition. Peanut will learn to swim before she can crawl.

I need to get started on the snacks - SS '09 commences in one hour!

I can't be a stay-at-home mom anymore. I won't go into details about our finances (not because it's none of your business but because I honestly don't know enough about it to speak on it) but apparently we need more money than what my husband is bringing home.
It was wonderful while it lasted. I was on maternity leave / short-term disability / bed rest (lame!) for six weeks before I had Avery so while I was somewhat miserable at least I didn't have to go to work. And let's face it - I didn't stay in bed all day. I enjoyed my time off immensely.
So far I have been with my daughter every moment since she was born (except for a few hours here and there) and it's been really special seeing her grow right before my eyes. I haven't missed out on anything. I am with her when she does something for the first time - her first smile, laugh, scoot, etc. I've been there. And when I go back to work someone else will get to be there for her firsts. And that sucks. Hopefully she'll wait until she's with me and not waste those specials moments on complete strangers.
I haven't found a job yet but I am applying! I am not going to just take anything that comes along. I would like to work at a school or for a city government. I am hoping that I can find a job within the public sector since I am tired of working for the big nasty corporate man.