That's it. I've had ENOUGH!
I want to audition for the Biggest Loser. Or, I need to get crackin' on losing weight. I shouldn't eat fatty foods anymore since I no longer have a gallbladder but I still do..... This means that I have had some awful gas since I had my surgery last Friday. That's messed up. I know how to lose weight. Diet and exercise- seriously. It's that easy, and it's that hard.
I need to start eating better NOW since I can't exactly exercise yet. Tomorrow is a new day.
Speaking of getting on new routines I have decided that it's about time that Peanut has a bedtime routine so that she has some consistency which will hopefully help her go to sleep earlier and sleep looooooooooooooonger. I fed her, changed her diaper, gave her a bath, gave her a massage with some of that yummy baby-scented bedtime lotion, put her in her jammies, swaddled her, and walked around the house until she started to look sleepy and then I put her in her own crib. That was about 45 minutes ago and she's still sleeping. I guess I'm just that good. Although I still plan on cosleeping so having her fall asleep in her crib is good for naps but doesn't make a difference when it's time for me to go to sleep. Having her sleep with me makes nighttime feedings so much easier and it helps me sleep better because she doesn't make all of those crazy breathing noises.
I think she's awake....... Why won't she take a nice long nap in the evening like she does during the day? Bah. She always wakes up when it's mine and JuJu's dinnertime. Uncool.

The kitchen is disgusting. Those bottles? Yeah, dirty. There are a total of THREE pizza boxes sitting on my counter. Walking in there makes me want to throw up. I fought through my abdominal pain and picked up the trash and washed the bottles (sour milk smells nasty, just FYI). JuJu just needs to do the dishes and then I'll start to feel better. We need to vacuum, too, but whatever. I'm still trying to figure out how to get things done while taking care of Avery and now that I'm recovering from surgery that makes things much harder. If we weren't about to lose my income I'd just hire a goddamn maid to come by once a week. Man, that'd be sweet. Although, maybe we could still afford it.....

That's terrible. I'm now a SAHM and I'm thinking about hiring a maid. I'm so fucking lazy. I really want to soak in the bathtub right now but I can't thanks to my incisions. I also have blisters from my surgery and I want to pop them but I'm scared! I wish they'd pop on their own. That's gross. Sorry I shared that with you.

She smiles! I wish I could get a picture of it but by the time I get ahold of the camera she has stopped. I'll try to catch it - it's really the cutest effing thing in the universe. Cuter than your kid. And no, this isn't subjective.
I am considering phasing out meat in my house. Half of our meals are meat-free anyway but it would be nice to eat healthier. I did the vegetarian thing for a while before I met my husband and it took some getting used to because I had to make different food choices than I was used to. No more fast food, for example. It was tricky but I definitely felt healthier after a couple of weeks.
It's just a thought. JuJu will NOT go for it so I'll have to be sneaky about it at first. He isn't a meathead or anything but in his mind there is a stigma attached to vegetarians that I'll have to help him lose.
If you have any recipe suggestions I'd appreciate it! I don't want to end up making the same damn thing every night (and I totally will).

Peanut is one month old today! Where has the time gone?!

She looks HUGE! She has grown so fast and she's so beautiful. I can't believe that JuJu and I made such a pretty baby. Yesterday she started smiling and it's so cute. I also saw her looking at one of her hands like she was realizing that it was attached to her. My kiddo is so smart.

She has changed my life and has got me thinking about the future. I need to figure out what I want to do when I grow up and I am now considering becoming a nurse. I can achieve that through a program at the community college and it will be easy to find a job since there is such a high demand for nurses. I will get to help people and contribute to the greater good. I need to talk to JuJu about it.

I have changed my mind several times when it comes to choosing a career path but maybe I just need to take a few classes and actually finish them to show that I'm serious. I also need to find a goddamn part-time job. If I can find one at a hospital or the school that would be helpful. Anyway, it's just a thought but I am really considering it. The nurses that helped me when I gave birth and when I had my gallbladder removed were amazing and made all the difference.

So if you have any advice I'd appreciate it. I don't personally know any nurses so I need my lovely bloggers out there to give me the dish on what it's like being a nurse.

The procedure is pretty quick - they go in through the belly button and out through, well, you can see the band-aids. The surgery took about an hour and I was in recovery for another hour. The nurse was concerned about my high blood pressure (not again!) and she didn't want to give me anymore pain medication until it went down but I told her that it will go down if she gives me more pain medication. I won. I have a high tolerance for pain medication which means that I have to take way more than the average person for it to actually work. After that I was in my room for about half an hour and they discharged me. I'm pretty sore. It takes me awhile to stand up or get out of bed. Since I can't breastfeed while on hydrocodone I have decided to take Tylenol for pain and NOT the 'good stuff.' I have to pump and dump today and tomorrow anyway because of all of the drugs I was given yesterday. I just hope that she remembers how to latch and we don't have to start over.

Anyway, are there any other pregnancy or post-partum ailments that you experienced that I don't have listed?

My mom is going to watch Avery for a few hours tonight so that JuJu and I can have some alone time. I am having gallbladder surgery tomorrow and will probably have to go another few weeks without sex so it's kind of now or never and I just can't do it with her in the house. Not yet. It's weird. So tonight we will go to dinner and then, well, you know.
I would really like to feed Avery before we take her to my mom's but she's sleeping. She went about six hours in between feedings earlier and even though I tried to feed her she wasn't interested. And now it's been four hours and she's (probably) happily sleeping. I just don't know why she is going so long in between feedings. I did breastfeed for about an hour and she still wanted more so I gave her the 2 ounces that I pumped earlier. So maybe she is genuinely full. It's just a huge difference from yesterday when I had to feed her every two hours. I'm sure that she's fine. She is still breathing normally and she doesn't have a fever. I guess my milk is just THAT GOOD. I swear I didn't drink booze or take any narcotics. As long as she continues to grow then we're doing the right thing. It's just a shame she wouldn't sleep earlier when I was trying to clean up the apartment. I suppose I could vacuum now..... Hahaha, no.
It's time to take Peanut to my mom's! I will miss her but it's okay because I know she's in capable and loving hands. Besides, I get to have sex! YAY!

Today was our most successful day in regards to breastfeeding. She ate from me every time except for when I was making dinner and then I gave her a bottle of expressed breast milk that I pumped earlier in the day. My milk is definitely coming back and that makes me happy because I feel like I am either feeding her or pumping 24 hours a day. Tonight we will give it a try while lying down so that when she's done we can both go back to sleep. Hopefully once she starts getting hungry I'll wake up before she's too upset to take my breast. If I can get her to successfully breastfeed at night then we can eat and go back to sleep and hopefully get MORE sleep. We shall see!
I have my surgical consultation tomorrow morning for my impending gallbladder removal. Apparently 10% of pregnant women get gallstones and 1 in 1,000 actually develop any symptoms. Yay, I'm in the minority! Isn't that special. If I get another sharp pain like I did last week I will just die.

I have decided to round up some information for myself about various child-rearing techniques and/or philosophies. Hopefully by doing some research on the things that I come across as a new mom I will better understand what Avery needs in order to thrive as well as what JuJu and I need to help her do so (and maybe we'll be better for it, too).

My daughter just held up her head for 24 seconds! She has also been kind of scooting too. It's very exciting to see her moving around! My little girl is already trying to get away from me. It's so cute to watch her figure things out for herself. Next time I'll try to record it so you too can marvel at how rad my child is.

Happy mommy = happy baby.

I bought a new breast pump today! So far so good! I was able to get an ounce out of each breast after pumping for twenty minutes. It's a double pump so I was able to do both at the same time which was nice but tied up both of my hands since I have to hold them. Hell, if it works I don't care! My goal is to be a milk producing machine. I feel bad about giving Avery formula. It doesn't seem to be as friendly to her tummy as my milk does. I will continue to pump and try to get her to latch on as often as possible. My goal is to get this nailed down by the time I start working again which will be in about four weeks (give or take). I also need to schedule my effing gallbladder surgery before then, too. Shit. I'm a busy gal. Dude. I just said (er, typed) 'gal.' WTF planet am I from?

We are switching insurance companies (we are currently on mine and since I'm quitting my job I can't keep my insurance through them) and before we signed up for anything I had to make sure that Peanut's pediatrician accepted the new insurance and she does! I love her doctor and didn't want to have to pay out-of-network fees or find another one. Victory!


I wish I could sleep like my daughter.

She starts out actually propped up in the center of the Boppy but by the time she wakes up (which I think is happening.....now. Good morning Love!) she ends up like this. I am always next to her so she isn't going to wiggle enough to fall off the sofa. We LIVE on the sofa. All day. If I have something to do I'll put her in her crib during her nap(s) so I can get it done without having to keep a close eye on her. During her last nap I took a shower! I didn't do my hair today like I normally do. The weather is totally gross today so I probably won't go anywhere even though I'd like to go to Half Price Books and find some good books on sleeping through the night, weaning, etc.

Awesome. Avery just farted on me. It's a good thing that she's so cute because that is nasty.

Last night Ave slept in her crib all night except for when I fetched her for meals and diaper changes. I was proud of her for coping so well with such a big change and JuJu was even more proud of me for not "rescuing" her every time she made a noise. She is becoming very active which means that it's not safe for her to sleep in the Boppy so I bought a wedge for her to sleep on. I had intended on using it on our bed and then transitioning it and her to her crib soon but JuJu decided that we should go ahead and put her back in her crib. It was so hard for me and I didn't think I'd be able to last all night. I love snuggling with her and I missed her even though she was only five feet away from me.

OH! JuJu is buying me a tattoo for Mother's Day and while I have a few designs in mind I wanted to get something that represented becoming a mom as well as Avery's middle name which is Phoenix. If you know anyone that can draw something up for me I will give you something cool! Seriously! I want it to be colorful and I plan on using it as the first tattoo in a half-sleeve. Anyway, HELP ME!

I might upload pictures later. I think we took some today other than the professional pictures we had taken. They are RAD and I can't wait to see them!

I have gallstones.

I really do have a lot to write about but I didn't get any sleep last night since I was in the emergency room so I think that I will take a nap instead. Hell, I know I'll just end up dicking around online and watching TV. JuJu is making me watch 'Snakes on a Plane.' Seriously. It. Sucks.

I want to find some skinny jeans that don't make me look lumpy and gross. Maybe I should just lose weight and then buy some new pants. Whatev.

Avery had her two-week doctor's appointment today and she is still totally perfect! She now weights six pounds seven ounces and is twenty inches long! My little girl is gigantic now! I honestly thought she'd be bigger than that but I guess she has gained a pound since birth which is a lot. Her doctor told me how she measured up based on the average but I don't remember what the numbers were. She's smaller than the average but I don't know how much smaller and I don't care. Also, I figured that Miss Booger Face had allergies but she actually has a cold. NICE. I keep sucking her snot out with the bulb syringe and using the saline rinse but it doesn't seem to be helping. I guess it just has to run its course. Unfortunately for me that means that she takes longer to fall asleep because she struggles to breathe and it breaks my heart. I wish that I could make her better! I am not allowed to give her any medication like Tylenol per her doctor. She said that if Avery gets a fever I can't just give her Tylenol because I'm supposed to take her to the hospital. That sucks. She hasn't had a fever yet (thankfully). I'm assuming that it'll go away on its own...........

It's hard to blog while holding a baby.

Speaking of my darling angel cookie face - Avery has the most god-forsaken smelly ass EVER. She farts. Constantly. I think she just busted ass again. Seriously. So. Gross. I know that it has something to do with what I'm eating too but I don't fart like that. Okay, that's a lie. Mama has a stinky ass too.

I have been experiencing what I believe are called afterpains and it's awesome. It feels like menstral cramps and when I get one it catches me off guard because it feels so unpleasant. It's worth it because it means that my uterus is shrinking! This is a good thing! Hopefully it will help me get smaller and get me on the path to getting skinny! I was overweight before I got pregnant and actually weigh less now than I did pre-pregnancy. I want to lose about 60 more pounds which will put me at the lowest weight I've ever been as an adult. I can do it! I hope.....

When do we outgrow the need to eat every three hours? It really doesn't bother me - I think I'm just tired because this has been a loooooooooooooooooooooong week. Tonight we will have a full house because a few of our friends are coming over to see the baby. One of my good friends has a 6-week-old and she will be bringing him over. Yay! He is a huge baby (not huge compared to Avery - huge compared to like, most babies) and he's so cute! And of course my sis and niece are still here so we'll have lots of people and babies and fun! The house is kinda messy so hopefully my sister can help us clean it up since it's mostly her kid's crap all over the place. Toddlers are slobs. Her kid, my niece, leaves her crap all over the place! Doesn't she know how to pick up after herself? She does, actually. Maybe it's her mom that isn't picking up! All I know is that someone claimed that they were coming to 'help' me this week and at this moment my carpet looks dirty and I have a sink full of dirty dishes. Also, I had no clean bottles this morning........ I am glad that she's here and I really just wanted to spend time with her and I wanted her to spend time with the baby. I didn't need her to come all the way from Georgia to clean my house but she said that's why she was here. She just hasn't really done much. It's okay. I can effing do it. I have to do it everyday anyway - I have kinda figured out how this thing works.

OH! My stupid effing boss (soon to be former boss) didn't put any of my vacation time on my time card which means that I didn't get a paycheck this go-round which means that my benefits could lapse! Thanks, mother fucker! I didn't think that I would need to remind him every week to do it but apparently I was wrong. Hopefully this doesn't screw me up at all. I am pissed. I don't think that JuJu and I needed the money but it would have been nice to get paid like I'm supposed to. I'm so glad that I'm leaving that shithole. I can apparently put in my notice at any time and just say that my last day is May 18th which is the last day I get my disability pay. I never have to go back except to get anything I may have left in the center (like all of my Star Wars figurines and photos in my office). Well, I probably should hand deliver my resignation so I don't look like a coward. I'm not afraid to see those people again - I'm just ready to move on.

I am fucking tired. I also have allergies. AWESOME. I woke up earlier than I wanted to and I know I'm not going to take a nap since it's already 5pm. I also know that I won't go to bed until after midnight and around 1am Avery usually wakes up to eat so I really don't get to sleep until around 1:30am. At least we're consistent.

I had my second post-op appointment today. My fucking OBGYN sucks. SUCK SUCK SUCKS. I could have sworn that he told me that my steri-tape would "fall off" on its own and that I needed to leave it alone. That bastard then tells me today that he didn't tell me that and that if I waited it would take forever to fall off. WTF dude. He then rips off each piece of tape and well, there's some hair down there so.... ouch. Jerk. If I had known that I could pull it off myself I would have soaked in a bath and done it painlessly. Whatever. My BP is still high so he wrote me another script for BP medication because it totally worked the first time.... I swear I need to find another doctor. I've got time before I get pregnant again to find one.

On the upside I have lost 22 pounds since I gave birth and half of that was just in the past week. YAY! I'm still a few sizes bigger than my pre-pregnancy size but at least I am losing weight. I just need to keep breastfeeding so that my uterus will continue to shrink. I was given the green light to do some light exercising so I'll start walking and doing some yoga at home once my sister and niece are gone. There is too much going on this week to even start an exercise plan. My goal is to lose about fifty pounds (more if it doesn't make me look emaciated and I still have big tits) before we get pregnant again. That isn't for another two or three years but I might as well get a jump on it. Also, I found the cutest bathing suit at Old Navy today. It's kind of retro 1940's but not really. It's got some flattering ruching on the sides that'll be nice and concealing. I didn't try it on yet. I figured right now it might be too depressing.

OMFG I want to take a nap. My sis and niece are spending the evening at my mom's so JuJu and I have the house to ourselves for awhile. That'll be nice. Not because I don't love spending time with them but I just want to snuggle with Peanut and JuJu on the couch and watch TV and not have to worry about anything else for awhile.

Hmmm... I think my daughter just pooped while sitting in my lap. AWESOME.

My little girl is two weeks old today! Her umbilical cord stump fell off today while I was changing her diaper at Macy's. I almost cried! Her first growth milestone!

My sister and niece are staying with us (I'm sure I mentioned that already. Deal with it) while they're visiting from GA and it's been really nice so far. My niece is 17 months old and kind of huge. The difference between a one year old and a year and a half is huge. She looks like a regular person and not just a baby. Weird. My sister is a great mom and you can tell because her kiddo is a rock star. She is still shy around all of us because she doesn't really know us since we only see once every three or four months but that's okay. She's smart and doesn't get fussy even if she's exhausted. She can sort of speak and it's so cute. I can't wait for Avery to get to that stage. She isn't much fun right now but she'll get there. For now I'll just enjoy her being tiny and perfect.

My allergies are killing me. My throat hurts and my nose is runny. i need some Benadryl NOW.

I have another post-op appointment today. There's no point to these, is there? My doctor doesn't even change my steri-tape. It's retarded and it's not closeby so I drive all the way out there for them to weigh me and check my blood pressure and that's it. Whatev. I just do what I'm told. I need to schedule Avery's two-week appointment..... It's not that I'm lazy. I genuinely forget to do things.

My sister and niece are flying into town today!!!!!!!!! I haven't seen them since Christmas and from the pictures that my sister has sent apparently my niece has grown a lot and talks nonstop! I am so excited to see them and I know that my seester is excited to meet Avery.

Anyway, I am holding the kiddo and typing with one hand so I will post more later. Maybe.

She looked cute in her duckie pajamas and since I'm an annoying new mom I am going to post pictures!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I shouldn't have blogged about not going back to my current job. I can only assume that no one I work with has read it but who knows... I know what my company's policies regarding not returning to work are because I asked before I went on FMLA. I am not dumb - I am all about covering my own ass and wanted to make sure that I played the game correctly so I wouldn't have to pay anything back.

I discovered the most fantastic cartoon today - League of Super Evil on Cartoon Network. OMFG it is hilarious! I don't have cartoon-watching-age children so I don't know about most cartoons or children's shows but JuJu and I just happened to be watching CN earlier and saw like three episodes of L.O.S.E. and that is some funny shit. It doesn't really seem appropriate for children but maybe it's written to be entertaining to both parents AND kiddos. Whatev.

Now, enough of this! Let's go to Garden Ridge!

OH! And a woman today at Wal-Mart commended me on my babywearing. WTF is that about!?!

Avery is a bottomless pit. She has eaten way more than her usual amount today. She kept fussing and I think it might be due to something I ate last night. I guess she doesn't like spicy foods so I'll have to keep that in mind from now on so I don't upset her little tummy. We gave her some Mylicon and that seemed to soothe her a little bit because she has been sleeping for the past two hours (I think... I really can't wait for my Itzbeen to get here so I can keep better track of her activities - all four of them (sleeping, pooping, eating, being awake)). She is currently napping in her Boppy and I must say that she is the cutest effing thing I've ever seen. Her birthmarks are fading and she is starting to fill out a little bit more. I don't want her to grow up but I know that the best is yet to come!

Speaking of what's to come - I took her to my mom's yesterday so she could love on her granddaughter and we started talking about child care. I am TERRIFIED to send her to daycare at only six weeks old but that's when my maternity leave funds run out and I either 1. go back to work at my current job, 2. get a new one, or 3. stop working altogether and solely live on JuJu's income which is not doable at this time thanks to having two car payments and some debt that we are currently working on. I'm shooting for option number two since I HATE HATE HATE my current job and I can't imagine going back. I am qualified to do so much more and I will find something better. I have time. Sort of. Anyway, child care. I am not comfortable with in-home daycare. I feel like that is a no-accountability environment and the care giver could do anything and get away with it because Avery can't exactly speak yet. I don't know anyone that I trust that can watch her. My mom has a friend that has mentioned watching a baby and she has child care experience along with raising her own teenage children so that's a possible option. Commercial daycare is disgusting to me. Those care givers don't have to be certified or anything and all of those kids bring in a lot of germs. I don't want my newborn around that. Also, how can I guarantee that someone will be attentive to my child when they have so many others to watch too? The only way I would put her in commercial daycare is if I knew someone that was working there who would keep an eye on her. Maybe I should look into finding a job at a daycare center. Hmmmm.... Something to think about. I don't like other people's kids but I would tolerate them if it meant that I'd get to see mine all day. The other option is a church-run daycare which at this point might be our best option. She is young enough to not be influenced by anyone's religious beliefs and for some reason I think I can trust the women that run the daycare because I was raised in the Methodist church and from what I remember they were very attentive and most of the women had children that were in the daycare, too. JuJu and I obviously do not attend church so I don't know if that means that we can't take advantage of a church's daycare services even though we would be paying for them. We need to start looking into this because I kind of have to go back to work. I can't imagine staying home all day everyday. Maybe I can just work part-time so that she isn't at daycare eight hours a day for five days a week. I guess I need to start applying for jobs so that by mid-May I'll have something lined up even if it is temporary. Hell, as long as I can get out of my current job I'd be happy. No one knows that I don't plan on coming back. I will give them my two-weeks notice two weeks before my FMLA runs out. That's pretty fucked up isn't it? Who cares. I gave them five years of my life and they gave me countless anxiety attacks and a nervous breakdown in addition to breaking my spirit and making me hate the general population. But at least now I have retail management experience under my belt! Woo hoo! I would like to work in a place where I can just be myself. I miss me.

This post was way too long. Deal with it.

Our new sectional sofa came today! It's brown on brown on BROWN and it's big and fluffy and "grownup" and really comfortable. JuJu decided a few weeks ago that we HAD TO HAVE new living room furniture before the baby arrived. We bought a new ottoman/coffee table and a new sectional but we don't plan on getting rid of our old living room furniture so now we have three couches in our living room. It's seating overload! We need to move some shit around so we can keep it all in the apartment. What if we need an additional set of living room furniture when we buy a house? Whatev.

I really want to go shopping. Like, at the mall. WTF. I want to toss Peanut in her sling and mosey around the mall. I miss shopping. Er, I miss browsing. I haven't purchased much for myself in a long time. I need some transitional clothing. I have no pants to wear! My pre-pregnancy jeans don't fit. At all. My stomach totally sucks right now. I'll quit bitching about it. It's worth it considering what came out of it. No, not poop. My little Peanut!

I think I'll see if my mom wants to go shopping with me. JuJu has already told me that he doesn't want to go anywhere today. Today is the first day of his nine-day vacation and I'm happy that he'll be home with me. He'll get to see what it's like to be home with a baby all day. Not that he doesn't understand what I do all day but he'll be able to spend time with her which is important at this stage.

Oh, and Peanut didn't fuss when we gave her a bath today. She's kind of a rock star.

This isn't baby related but I just found out that Metallica is coming back to Dallas! I was pregnant when they came through last summer so I missed it but not this time! I haven't been able to see them live before and that is retarded since they are my second favorite band (the first being the Deftones whom I have seen millions of times). Oh, and I kind of totally want to go to Crue Fest..... I hate Godsmack but I like local boys Drowning Pool and of course Motley Crue. I was born in the wrong decade.