Yesterday and today up until about three hours ago SUCKED HARDCORE.

Issue #1: Avery decided that no, she did not want formula anymore and breastmilk must be served to her in a way that will make her work the least. Fine. In order for her to not starve I will accomodate this. I still try to get to take my breast when it's at its fullest so the milk will come out easier for her but she's a quitter just like her mommy.

Issue #2: Avery also decided that she must have something in her mouth AT ALL TIMES. This is annoying because she can't quite grip her pacifier or put it back in her mouth if she drops it so I am constantly rescuing the damn thing and giving it back to her.

Issue #3: She has to be held AT ALL TIMES. She will not fall asleep unless you are holding her and the second you put her down she will wake up.

I had a post-op appointment today and once I got her into her carseat with her screaming the entire time I broke down. I was apprehensive about taking her anywhere by myself but I figured that I need to just go for it especially since this was a quick there-and-back trip in between her meals and she could sleep or chill out while the doctor poked at my incision. Well, I didn't make it. I called my mom sobbing and asked her to go with me to the doctor so she could help me with Avery. She sat in the backseat with her and then held her while I was at the doctor's. I do have to mention that the instant I started the car Ave fell asleep. Jerk. Mom told me that a lot of babies like car rides so next time if she is fussy and I am about to go somewhere with her that I should just GO and she'll calm down. She also slept when mom held her. The. Entire. Time. No fussing. I was happy that Ave had calmed down and was getting some sleep but at the same time I was jealous that she was sleeping and doing so well with my mom but she wouldn't do it for me.

HOWEVER, I am typing this with a sleeping baby in my lap. Booyah! After my mom left I fed Avery on my bed with the lights out to try and set a quiet and sleepy mood. Then I laid down with her in the crook of my arm all bundled up and she eventually fell asleep and so did I. YAY! We slept for about two hours and hell, she's sleeping again so I might join her in case we have a repeat of last night's performance which I like to call 'The Dance of Sleep Evasion.' She slept for about twenty minutes at a time and then would wake up screaming until we picked her up. All she wanted was to be held which is totally great except that once we'd get her to fall asleep and set her back in her crib she'd wake up again. It was a nightmare. Poor JuJu had to go into the office today which means that his sleep-deprived ass is going to be at work all day instead of at home where he can at least sleep in a little later and be more relaxed. He will probably be grumpy when he gets home and I'll feel guilty for getting to take a nap. But, I was home with her all day so really who deserves a break here?!

I think I'll go back to sleep. This is just too nice to pass up!

and she is still alive!!
I am trying to get her to fall asleep and have been for about three hours. So far all she has to do is eat and she is OUT for at least an hour during the day and three hours at night. Today? Notsomuch. Wait... I think she is finally winding down. I tried everything! Maybe she just finally gave up. All day she has been fussy unless she's had something in her mouth - pacifier, bottle, or my finger (she hates my nipples). Speaking of which, I have to pump and then feed her with a bottle. I don't know why she doesn't like my nipples. My guess is that she doesn't like to have to work for her food. Ave is truly my daughter - she's a lazy cow. It's okay though because she is fabulous! Pumping takes up a lot of time and I am not going to pump at 3am and then feed her so I'm using formula at night and when I don't have anything pumped yet and she is getting hungry. I didn't want to use formula but I'd rather do that than starve my daughter. At least my milk has come in and I can express it without difficulty. BOOBS! BOOBS! BOOBS! We are all about tits in my house now.

OMFG I think she's asleep. I should have just kept her on my chest. I think my warmth and heartbeat help the process move along a little faster.
I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow so that my obgyn can check up on my incision and make sure I am healing properly. I can't wait for my stomach to not look so weird. I want to be able to exercise, too, and I can't do that yet. I am excited to be able to put Ave in her stroller and push her around the park or to take her swimming. She will learn to swim before she learns to crawl - I think that's what happened to me when I was a baby. I love swimming and don't want to wait to get Ave accustomed to the water.
This blog has no focus today. Our brand new sectional will be delivered this week. Yay!
I am finally on BP medication! Thank you, on-call doctor! My BP was monitored CONSTANTLY at the hospital - as in someone came in every four hours to check it - and I was given a lecture by a nurse every time she came in and I was 'caught' standing up and walking around. I couldn't lay in bed all day. It was killing my joints and when I did actually need to get up it was painful.
Enough already!! You just want to see some pictures!!

Avery Ruth Phoenix C. was born via c-section on March 25, 2009 at 8:16pm. She weighed 5lbs. 8.8oz. and was 18.5 inches long. We thought she was born at 38 weeks but apparently based on the wrinkly-ness of her hands and feet she was probably 40 if not 41 weeks. She has strawberry blonde hair and right now her eyes look grayish blue.



I will post the birth story later. It took me two days just to post a few pictures. I fed Avery and she promptly fell asleep on my chest and while I could have put her down in order to post a blog I just couldn't! She is so precious and little bitty and warm and I find it hard to put her down. I hold her constantly. JuJu spends a lot of time holding her too but he won't take her from me which means that it's almost a race to see who can pick her up first. I love her. And I think she loves me, too.

In case I forget to blog later I'll just do it now. You're welcome!!

Mine and JuJu's last night alone together was really nice. He picked me up from my mom's and took me to On the Border which is one of my favorite restaurants (I know that's sad but I <3 their fajitas and their salsa is actually warm!). There were moments where I felt like there was some first date awkwardness but I know it's because we were both nervous about what lies ahead. After dinner we came home and cleaned and then *WHOA* the electricity went out.

Sigh. The in-laws are here. I kept telling them not to come until tomorrow but whatever. No one listens to me. JuJu is working today, albeit from home, but he can't exactly socialize with them.

I love them. It has nothing to do with that. I just wanted to relax today and do some last minute tidying up and I need to finish packing.

I also kind of wanted to have sex one more time....... I guess not! Thanks in-laws! :-)

(I will try to get back and do a not-whiny-baby post later. We are taking the laptop to the hospital so hopefully I will be able to update from there)

Today I had my very last pre-natal appointment! YAY! I hope that I am done peeing in a cup and having my doctor shove his hand up my vagina. The latter has got to be the most unpleasant feeling in the universe. Although I'm sure that whatever happens to my crotch over the next two days is going to be truly horrifying and I will feel like a crybaby for complaining about an internal exam.

It will all be worth it once I get to meet my Peanut and give her a big ol' smooch on her little conehead.

I feel like there is still so much that JuJu and I still need to do before we go to the hospital tomorrow night. I wish that I was at home and not at my mom's house because I need to clean! I know that I'm not supposed to but I can at least move some of Peanut's stuff into our bedroom since that's where she'll be sleeping for awhile (well, while the in-laws are here and then once my sister and her daughter visit too since Peanut's room was the guest room and I don't want people sleeping in our living room).

I need to think about what I want to eat for my 'last' dinner tonight alone with JuJu. I am not allowed to eat past noon tomorrow so I think mom is going to make me one of my favorite dishes for lunch - chicken taco casserole! I think some people call it king ranch chicken casserole. Either way, it's delish. I want some Dr. Pepper and maybe a cupcake and then I'll be set. Maybe two cupcakes.

I'm ready. I think. What I'd like to do is go outside. Someone needs to accompany me to the park. I want some fresh air. Ooh, maybe mom's wireless will work in her backyard. I can blog from the great outdoors!

Belly cast attempt #2 was a success!! I found some plaster strips at the craft store and all JuJu had to do was get each strip wet and slap it on. No mixing! It was still messy but at least this time the mess was worth it.

Once we took the cast off (which literally just popped off once it dried completely) I realized how big I am! My belly sticks out a lot. I also became even more aware of just how uneven my breasts are and I'm glad that it isn't obvious when I'm wearing a bra. It looks like one of my nipples decided to retreat, too. So I'm lop-sided but that's reality.

Tomorrow I will do any reinforcing if necessary and sand it down and perhaps I'll paint it too.

My BP is high high high today - 182/102 was the reading that I got when I woke up this morning. I don't know what else to do! At the hospital the nurses managed to get my BP down to around 130/70 which is the lowest it's been since I got PIH (pregnancy-induced hypertension, also called gestational hypertension). Yet, when I'm at home and take a reading after sleeping for eight + hours it's insanely high. Shouldn't I be at my most relaxed? I sleep on my side like I'm supposed to and I usually don't sleep under the covers because I don't want to get too hot which will also raise my BP.

I am not going to pretend that I don't do anything but lay around all day. That's impossible for me. I can't sit or lay down for longer than thirty minutes at a time because my joints start to hurt and that makes standing up kind of difficult. I'm like a newborn animal when I stand up - I'm wobbly and it's kind of sad looking. I really want to clean the bathroom or at least do the dishes but if I start to do anything JuJu will stop me. It's frustrating.

What I'd really like to do is go shopping today. Alone. By myself. I need to get plaster strips for belly cast attempt #2 and since JuJu is stuck at home because he has to work I might be able to get away with it. I'm not going to sneak out (I'm not a teenager, for fuck's sake) but I would like to spend some time by myself since I haven't been alone in a month. JuJu has been working from home and either he or my mom takes me to my doctor's appointments. I am NEVER alone. In three days my life is going to completely change and I will not be able to go anywhere or do anything without taking the baby so I will definitely not be alone for the next eighteen years..... I just want some ME time. And I want it now.

38 weeks! This is it - the last weekly belly photo!! (and I decided to go sans makeup? WTF)

My BP check at L&D went well. It was scary high but once I laid down for a bit it went down to an acceptable level. Peanut wasn't as active as they wanted her to be so the nurse made me drink this crappy grape koolaid and we put the bedside TV speaker on my stomach and she started dancing. After a couple of hours they released me. My obgyn happened to be at the hospital this morning and when he stopped by my room I was worried that he would want to go ahead and induce today but luckily that wasn't the case. I am ready but at the same time I am terrified and totally NOT ready. That doesn't make sense. Maybe it does. Can you really be truly ready for something like having a baby? I don't know if there is any prepatory work that can be done to make you completely 'ready' to be a parent. I guess we'll find out soon enough!

Tomorrow morning my mother is going to take me to L&D so they can monitor my BP for an hour or so just like they did on Sunday night except that this time I was instructed by my doctor to do it. Hopefully I'll be in and out and done with it so I can enjoy the rest of my weekend. Not that I have anything planned of course. JuJu has to work all weekend so I'll pretty much do what I do during the week - nothing. Although since I'm not supposed to be doing anything anyway I guess it's okay. I just wish that he and I could spend time together! It's our last weekend alone for the rest of our lives and I wanted us to enjoy it. At least he works from home so we can still see each other.

Not surprisingly we did not make my belly cast last night but I was promised that we would do it tonight. We are kind of running out of time. I thankfully won't have this belly forever!
My BP was 164/96 at the doctor's this morning so it has gone down which is awesome! I'm a winner! We are still getting induced on Tuesday night so my improving doesn't change that. On Saturday I have to go to L&D and have them check my BP for awhile. I am really tired of going to the doctor! I also have an appointment on Monday and then Tuesday evening I go the hospital to actually have the baby. Finally! I know that there are more doctor visits once that happens but I'll deal with it. Not without complaining of course.
Even though I'm on bed rest I did go out to lunch with BFF today (gasp!). She and her three-week-old kiddo picked me up and we had some yummy Tex-mex. Now we're shopping for her birth announcements on Shutterfly. They are cheap and so cute! I can't wait to make mine. I think this one is my favorite so far. I also need to buy a baby memory book with the pages that you can fill in so hopefully I can find something that isn't horrendous looking at Wal-Mart tonight. I'm not totally picky but I don't want it to be the usual frilly ugly crap and I don't want it to have Winnie the Pooh on it. I'm not anti-WtP it just isn't my thing.

In one week I'll be a mother. That's terrifying.
Tonight JuJu and I are going to make my belly cast. I'm excited and I hope that it doesn't look weird. I don't know where we're going to put it - probably in the baby's room above her dresser. My mom and sister think it's strange to do a belly cast and that's because it kind of IS strange. It's a cool keepsake and a way to remember your pregnancy in all its huge and round glory. I have seen some really cool ones online. I'm not an artist by any means so I'm sure that mine won't be amazing but that's okay.
OH and I think we finally picked out a rug for our living room. It took us longer to pick it out than the actual furniture (which will hopefully be here before Tuesday night!). We found one (the green one) that we loved and then once we went to check out the shipping was over $100. WTF. No, thank you. I work for FedEx and I happen to know that 'standard' or 'ground' shipping shouldn't cost $100. What's worse is that even though it's a website for a store that you can actually visit (okay, it's JCPenney, booo!) you can't buy an item online and have it shipped to a local store like you can with Wal-Mart. I still hate Wal-Mart but I will admit that their ship-to-store option is nice. The rug we found is on overstock.com which has wicked cheap shipping. I think what we'll do is keep our current coffee table and repaint it (it's currently black and doesn't go with our new furniture. Hell, it doesn't go with our current furniture!). I wanted to paint it red but since the rug has red in it I'll probably paint it a fun jade or lime green to keep with our eclectic/Asian look. Although I don't know if that'll look great next to the turquoise armchair. Maybe yellow? I don't like yellow but I think it would look okay. I'm sorry, that's an understatement. I FUCKING HATE THE COLOR YELLOW. I don't know why - I really like orange and green and both contain yellow (yay I know color math!). It's just a personal preference and I prefer to not look at that godforsaken color. I also have to keep in mind that JuJu is scared of color. He wanted our brown sectional and brown ottoman to sit on a brown area rug. Okay, the rug is still mostly brown but the red in it was the most color I could squeeze out of him. I will just have to get my colors in elsewhere. It's not like I'm decorating our apartment in Hello Kitty (if I lived alone and planned to for the rest of my life I'd totally HK the shit out of my home). He needs to let me have my colors! Especially since we going from our robin's egg blue sofa and loveseat and crazy color block rug to brown on brown on brown. I am totally ready for more mature/grownup furniture but it can still be fun and whimsical too, right? I think I've been watching too much HGTV.

I had an appointment this morning and the nurse and doctor both checked my BP about three times each and confirmed that it was in fact very high. They are goofballs. I don't know how many BP machines they have in the office but I swear to god they use every single one of them on me each time I come in. I still have trace protein which is kind of okay - nothing to cause a panic. But, the crazy high BP is definitely cause for concern. My doctor scheduled an induction on Wednesday, March 25th which means that I'll be admitted to L&D on Tuesday evening. So yeah, in eight days I'll be someone's mother. WTF is that!!??!!!! They just let anyone have kids these days! The only way this date will change is if it gets pushed up because of any changes for the worse from now until then. I have another appointment on Thursday and I will probably go to L&D over the weekend so they can monitor my BP.
So....... there you have it! JuJu and I will finish up any last-minute shopping tomorrow and we'll be ready to go. Well, as ready as you can be for the unexpected.
Today is our second wedding anniversary too! With everything that has been going on and since I'm on bed rest we didn't plan anything special. Actually, we didn't plan anything at all! My dad offered to come by and bring dinner which of course we can't turn down. Free food is always appreciated especially since we desperately need to go grocery shopping.
Man, I'm tired. I'm tempted to take a nap or at least lay down and half-sleep while watching HGTV which has become my new obsession. I have pretty much decided that I need to redecorate our apartment NOW. I need to upholster and paint and build! I want to make a headboard for our bed but I don't even know what we are planning to do with our bedroom. From what I've seen on these DIY shows we aren't the only ones that neglect to decorate the master bedroom. I'm just not sure what to do with it. At this point it really isn't a priority since I'm kind of having a baby next week.
OMFG. I'm having a baby next week.

Last night was exciting! No, no it wasn't. Peanut decided to stop moving yesterday. Throw in some super high blood pressure and that was enough for me to take a little trip to L&D last night. Everything is fine - we got my BP down and Peanut was doing well. She started moving around and her heartbeat was strong. We were there for a couple of hours and then they sent me home.
What I learned from this was that I was not 'doing' bed rest correctly. The L&D nurse told me that I am supposed to be laying down ALL THE TIME. Yeah, my doctor and usual nurses never specified what exactly I'm supposed to do or not do on bed rest. Should I have looked it up online? I guess so, but isn't it my doctor's responsibility to inform me? Also, I didn't know that I shouldn't take baths! I heard that it was frowned upon from a message board I read but I thought it was because of the hot water. Apparently it's because bacteria can get into your body through your vagina and it can hurt the baby. Well, shit, I wish someone had told me that sooner! I take two baths a day and have done so for almost my entire pregnancy. This is actually depressing because I enjoy relaxing in a bath and it helps me sleep better. I don't get the same result from a shower. Part of me still wants to continue with the baths but it would be irresponsible to do so now that I know the risks.
I had a doctor's appointment today but the nurse that scheduled it didn't put it into the computer so mom and I showed up for nothing. My doctor had already left for the day so one of the nurses took my BP and tested my urine (no traces of protein, yay!) so that it wouldn't be a wasted trip. I told her about going to L&D and she said that the doctor would call me later but it's 9:30pm and hasn't called yet. No worries. I rescheduled my appointment for tomorrow morning and since my mom can't take me JuJu will be going with me! Yay! He hasn't been to an appointment in awhile and I certainly prefer him accompanying me over my mom. I love her to death but I'd rather go through this with JuJu. I would love it if my doctor would set a delivery date tomorrow but I'm not going to hold my breath. We'll just see what happens tomorrow.

Am I actually wearing something other than black today? OMFG! I got the shirt yesterday at Hot Topic (oh god, I feel so old when I go into that store but I needed new 2g plugs and I didn't want to order them online). It has a friggin' llama on it, folks. I LOVE LLAMAS.

Anyway, I get to leave the house again today! I feel special. It's like it's my birthday except that it's actually my step-sister's birthday. The fun part? Seeing my fam. The crummy part? Going to a place that has an insane variety of delicious beer that I can't drink. And I'm sure you're thinking, 'but Lolly, it's Sunday! You shouldn't be drinking on a Sunday!' And this might be devistating but Sunday and what it tends to symbolize doesn't mean anything to me :-) Take that to mean whatever you'd like.

THIS IS DISGUSTING. It never occurred to me that people are that disgusting. WTF!! How am I supposed to trust anyone with my kiddo? This makes me very very sad.

MORE LATER. Not about the above news story though. I can't think about that anymore.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And now, the MORE I promised: I am doing everything I can to start dilating. There isn't any way for me to know if it's working until my next doctor's appointment when he violates me but my next appointment is on Monday so I don't have to wait too long. Last night I had Mexican food, this morning JuJu and I had 'alone time,' I 'stimulated' my nipples while I took a bath (it sounds sexy but it wasn't, really) and pretty much all day we were walking around looking at furniture. I am totally ready for Peanut to GET OUT OF ME. I will do whatever I can to make this happen faster. She is full term so she is ready to come out - I guess we're just waiting on my stupid cervix to ripen. RIPEN, DAMMIT.

I think that the walking seemed to help the most - I finally had more than one contraction in a 24-hour period. I had about three in an hour in my lower back and it was uncomfortable but tolerable.

I guess we'll just wait and see.....

My digital cable is not working properly. This is upsetting.
My doctor's appointment yesterday went well. I finally got another ultrasound and the tech checked some different things to make sure that Peanut was healthy. She measures at 35 weeks 3 days (tomorrow will actually be 37 weeks gestation) and weighs 6 pounds 4 ounces. The tech measured her femur and said that she's going to be a tall baby. Of course she is - her dad is 6'4''! Most of the people in his family and mine are fairly tall except for me. I drew the short straw I guess (wah wah that was hilarious). I have two photos from her ultrasound but no scanner. I guess I could take a picture of them and upload it from my camera..... tomorrow perhaps. You can't really tell what the hell you're looking at anyway. At least I couldn't.
Peanut is doing great, hanging in there, ready to go, but apparently my cervix is still closed. Come on, dammit, soften already! I haven't changed at all. Still not dilated and not effaced any more than I was at Monday's appointment. Since she is healthy (yay!) and I'm not getting worse my doctor is going to keep holding off on inducing me. I'd rather her be fully developed and healthy so I don't mind, but at the same time I'm so ready for her to come out! Anyway, in regards to dilating.... Having sex is supposed to help this process along but afterwards I feel so much pressure and discomfort that it's almost not worth it (even though the act itself is still very nice!). Walking also helps but I can't really do much of that since I'm on bed rest. Honestly, I just want to go to the mall or something and walk around and browse. That isn't strenuous, right? I'll see if JuJu wants to do that with me tomorrow. I'd rather go by myself but I know that in my 'condition' it's safer if I'm not alone.
I've also had kind of a fuzzy headache all day. I feel like I'm in a fog. Very weird.

Peanut has been moving constantly today which at times is uncomfortable but it mostly rocks. It feels neat and looks crazy. That is something that I'm sure I will miss once she's out in the world. I can't imagine not having my belly but in less than two weeks it'll be gone. Well, I'm sure I'll still have a belly but it won't have a baby in it :-( What good is that? Then I'll go back to just being overweight.
The plan is to start eating healthier and exercising once Peanut is born. I can't help but feel like my pregnancy complications are a direct result of me being overweight, and I know that JuJu's back drama is because he's overweight. We need to get skinny and healthy.
Speaking of which, we don't have any pop at the house and all I can think about is a big ol' ice cold Dr. Pepper. I guess I'll drink some water instead. Sigh.

Whoa. All caps! I'm yelling at you!
I was a good girl today. I didn't go anywhere! It was easy to resist the urge to leave the house today since I didn't even wake up until about 12:45pm and around 4pm Steph came by with her new little person. He was in the NICU when I went to the hospital after she delivered so I didn't get to see him and then I was put on bed rest so I couldn't go visit her. After two weeks of her being trapped at home she decided to get out and come see me. It was really nice since it had been awhile since we've spent any time together. Her kiddo is two weeks old and just the cutest little potato head. He didn't really cry but he appeared to be constantly hungry and he pooped nearly the entire time they were here. He was a very well-behaved little guy and I can tell that Steph is already a good mom. She gave me some more gory details and 'do this' and 'don't do this' when I go to the hospital. It's good that I have people I can count on to scare the shit out of me! It is nice to have a heads up on the less pleasant things that occur while giving birth that seem to not make it into the baby books. Not even your own mother will be as honest about the process but you can always count on your best friend to tell it like it is. I'm certainly glad she had hers before me.
Now, on the 'what do I want to be when I grow up' front - I took a really long career assessment last night and I feel like so far it was the most accurate. Not only that but it was free and since you have to register it saves your assessment so you can keep accessing it which is good since I don't have a printer at home. I feel like it has helped point me in the right direction. Now all I need to do is look at career paths and find my ass a new job. It seems silly to start looking now since I won't actually be going back to work until the beginning of June but I can at least see what is out there and make note of companies that I want to apply at when the time comes for me to start looking which will probably be at the end of April. That way I have a month to find something and I think that should be plenty of time if I really pound the pavement.

I don't have too much to report on the baby front yet - my doctor's appointment isn't until this afternoon. I will definitely update the blog after I get home.
I put pink highlights in my hair last night and they didn't stick :-( so I'm trying it again. I have left them in for about an hour and I heated them up which should help the color stay better. JuJu was kind of annoyed with me for doing it, but when you have nothing to do all day things tend to happen. I also decided yesterday to gauge out my earlobes again. I've done it several times before so my lobes never fully bounced back from the last time I stretched them to a 0 gauge. I think I've got a 6 in them right now. I have 0 gauge tapers that I could barely get into the holes yesterday so I know I've got a ways to go but I have nothing but time! My mom hates it when I stretch, but I think this time I'll get plugs that don't look so much like plugs. Nothing hollow. No one wants to see through my ear. Besides, if I use more subtle plugs then when it comes time for me to look for a new job I won't have to take them out. I would like to find a place that is more relaxed about piercings and tattoos than my current employer.
Speaking of which, I feel like I need to hire someone to help me figure out what to do with my career. My mom told me that I need to make some lists to give me some guidance. I need to list the things and principles that I like or like doing and the things and ideas that I don't like. Once I do that I can hopefully narrow down what I'd like to do next with my career. I enjoy a wide range of things and even if I were in a retail environment again (boo) it would depend on the others that I would be working with and the type of customers I'd be helping. I'd rather NOT do retail again but that's what I have experience in so it would be easiest to fall back into that comfort zone. Blah. I'll worry about this later.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
UPDATE! My BP is still high but not getting higher. I still have protein in my urine but not enough to put up a big ol' red flag. I am wicked swollen today too. My obgyn said that I won't go past 38 weeks which means that I will be induced by the end of next week. That was a relief. I'm still not dilated but hopefully I will start to dilate soon! I have my next appointment on Thursday so I'd like to have made some more progress by then. If there is something I can do to get the dilation ball rolling I'd love to hear it!
Oh, and I picked up my new glasses today and I look friggin' hottttttt.

This is the cake I want to celebrate Peanut's arrival. That. is. awesome.

All I can think about is my appointment tomorrow and how I seriously hope we can pin down an induction date. I don't like surprises but mostly I don't like being pregnant. It was nice at first - I looked cute in maternity clothes and I felt like I was glowing and floating on a happy motherly cloud. Now I feel like I'm in hell.
I have made a list of things that JuJu and I will take to the hospital and I plan on starting to get the stuff organized today and tomorrow. Here's my list thus far (the items in red are things that I still need to get):

For Peanut - Diaper bag with:

• 3 onesies
• 3 pairs of socks
• 1 going home outfit
• blanket
• pacifier
• hat
• couple of diapers
• first aid/toiletry kit

For ME!:

• Two nursing-friendly nightgowns
• nursing bras
• going home outfit
• slippers
• 2 pairs of socks
• granny panties - preferably black
• nursing pads
• vaginal pads
• toiletries - Travel size - shampoo, conditioner, body wash, lotion, brush, hair dryer, makeup, deodorant, etc.
• baby wipes (yes those are for me!)
• 2 pillows and 2 blankets
• phone chargers
• laptop
• camera
• call list of folks to inform when it finally happens!
• chapstick
• bathrobe
• Lansinoh for my poor nipples
• washcloth & towel (something big and fluffy and DARK)
• candy and gum
• eyeglasses & case
• contact lenses case and solution
• baby book
• quarters
• breast pump
• flip flops

It seems like overkill but we don't live next door to the hospital and I don't want to have to send anyone on any runs for things. I prefer being comfortable and prepared. I always over pack and I never go without something that I need when I'm away from home.

It looks like JuJu and I need to make a trip to Target soon. Oh, the horror ;-)

36 weeks!

I had my doctor's appointment yesterday and things are... progressing. I guess. I'm 80% effaced, not dilated, and my body is swollen. Like whoa. I gained 7 pounds of water weight in the past week which is apparently a lot. It sounds like a lot to me. Getting on the scale has always been unpleasant for me since I've been overweight for my entire life, so seeing my weight get up there so high so fast is upsetting. I will probably lose twenty pounds very soon after I deliver because my weight gain is mostly water and baby anyway.
Peanut is head down now so that was good to find out yesterday.
I have an appointment with my actual doctor on Monday and he will examine me and determine a day to induce me. YAY! So quite possibly by the end of next week I could have a little baby in my arms instead of in my tummy. At least, I hope it's soon.
I'm on strict bed rest now and it sucks because JuJu is now working from home and will keep an eye on me which means I can't do anything or go anywhere because he won't let me. I would really like to at least have the option to go somewhere and now I don't. But I do actually have to go to my boss' office to put some vacation time into payroll so that I actually get a paycheck from them and cover my health insurance. So that's my activity today. Woo hoo!
I am so tired of my feet and hands falling asleep all of the time.

I feel like updating but I don't have too much to post... JuJu and I need to go grocery shopping. Badly.
My dad came over last night and brought barbecue for dinner- yummy! I know that we'll be seeing a lot more of him because he wants to make sure he spends enough time with his kids 'making memories' since he didn't do much of that with his dad as an adult and now it's too late. We have been talking about a ski trip for a couple of years and it never manifested so we are going to seriously get a trip together for this upcoming winter and that is exciting because I LOVE skiing. I haven't been in two years - JuJu and I went skiing at Winter Park, CO for our honeymoon - and I miss it! It's the only sport that I enjoy and it's hard but I can actually do it. You really don't have to be in shape to be a good skier. I would love to ski at Tahoe since I've never been but it's a lot more expensive than most NM or CO resorts. I also thought it would be fun to ski at Vail or one of those other celebrity-laden resorts but those resorts are totally overpriced.
Just thinking about it is really exciting. I have Winter Park's mountain cam in my bookmarks and when I'm feeling down I look at them because it cheers me up. I love snow.
I don't have any baby-related updates... OH! Not my baby, but my cousin's baby! She had her baby last week! She was only 25 weeks along and she had a seizure and for some reason they decided to deliver her baby. He was a little over 1 pound and needed some help breathing but now he is breathing on his own. I emailed my aunt and asked for pictures. I have never seen a baby that small before. It sounds like my cousin and her kiddo are doing well which is good to hear.
I think that my out-of-the-house activity today will be a stroll through Old Navy. They probably have some comfy sundresses that I can wear as a nightgown at the hospital. I also need a longer bathrobe for the hospital. I don't think that Old Navy sells bathrobes. I want to make sure I don't have any more shopping to do after this week just in case Peanut comes early. Woo hoo!

My mom and my grandma made a quilt for Peanut and it's just too cute! I'm not a big fan of Winnie the Pooh but it isn't my quilt. Besides, she put Hello Kitty on the back and that made me happy. I wish I could take better pictures of it. Maybe later. Not now.

I thought that I looked cute today until I took a picture of myself. Meh. My hair looked cute earlier, dammit. I don't know. I tried.

Seriously, this is what my hair looks like this morning. RAWR.

I was on my Baby Center board this morning (well, not MY board, but the board I read and post on frequently) and a mom-to-be asked about WAHM jobs. One of the posters suggested ChaCha. WTF how come I haven't heard of this before?! I signed up and now I'm 'watching' the training videos. I'm pretty good at searching for shit on the internet so it'll be nice to get paid to do it. I wonder how long all of this will take. So far the videos are boring and since I'm not being quizzed on it I'm not really watching them. I honestly don't care so much about the money but since I'm on bed rest having a 'job' might help pass the time and keep my ass on the couch. All I want to do is clean and organize and I really shouldn't be doing any of that right now.

What I really need to do is fill out and send in my short-term disability paperwork. This means that I have to go to my boss' center so I can make copies of the documents. Meh. Only one of my peers has contacted me to find out how I'm feeling and that is disappointing since I've been on FMLA for two weeks. Not even my boss or my boss' boss has done so much as shoot me an email. It kind of hurts my feelings but definitely adds to my long list of reasons why I don't like my job. However, I spent a decent amount of time on job search sites last night and there really isn't anything out there. That sucks! I guess I'll need to just take something, anything, in the interim just to get me out of my current situation. I don't mind working in retail again as long as it isn't service-based retail which is what I do now. I can handle selling a product as long as I don't have to create the product. Also, I don't think I'd mind finding another management position. I don't know if I can go back to being on the bottom. I would at least need to be an assistant manager or supervisor if I can't find a management position. I don't like customers but I also don't like being alone all day. I would be a crappy SAHM because I need more social interaction. Some people enjoy talking to their children all day but I need to be around adults. Unfortunately I prefer to be around like-minded adults and I don't get that in my current job and if I stay in retail I will continue to be deprived of that particular level of stimulation. Basically what I'm saying is this- I am pretty smart and need to be around other folks who will challenge me and for the past five years I have gone without this at my job. I am understimulated. I work with morons. Seriously. Well, I don't work with them anymore, but I am still employed even if I'm not actually working there. It's sad that I don't miss it one bit. I don't miss my team. I haven't made any attempts to contact them since I was put on FMLA. I would have reached out to them but in all reality my company isn't exactly paying me right now so why the hell should I do anything for them that even remotely resembles work? I am not obligated to attend meetings or conference calls. I don't have to submit reports. I don't have to manage anyone. I'm FREE!! It's a good feeling.

Perhaps I will be semi-productive today and get my paperwork completed. I would like to go back to bed but I will resist the urge. It's hard to feel motivated to do anything when you're not supposed to do anything. I could live in my pajamas right now and it would be completely acceptable. Must....get.....up!!